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Jokes
(7) for Golfers |  After the pro drove right down the middle, the first member stepped up, went through his normal routine and proceeded to duck hook his shot OB.
He turned to the pro and asked, "What did I do wrong?"
"LOFT!" said the pro.
The second guy went through his practice swing, set up and skulled his drive down to the ladies tee.
Again , he turned to the pro and asked, "What did I do wrong?"
"LOFT!" said the pro.
Finally, the third guy takes his turn and hit a screaming boomerang slice into the drink.
"What did I do wrong?," he asked.
"LOFT!" said the pro.
As they proceeded down the fairway, one of the members turned to the pro and said, "Hey, we all hit terrible but different shots off the tee and you said 'LOFT!' for every one. What's loft?
"Lack Of F*@kin' Talent!"
| Because he was playing with a priest Fred was extra careful about the language he used.
But, as time went on, Fred became more and more frustrated as he shanked shot after shot.
"Darn it" he would blurt out...but that just didn't seem to do the "trick" for him.
By the twelfth hole Fred had finally reached his wits end.
Off the tee he shanked his shot into the sand trap. Already frustrated he walked up the ball and took a swing.
The ball hit the lip of the trap and rolled back in.
And then he lost it....
Fred let out a tirade of expletives.
The preacher, a bit embarrassed, felt obliged to respond.
"I have observed," said he in a calm voice, "that the best golfers do not use foul language."
"I guess not," said Fred, "what the hell do they have to cuss about?"
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Three
men gathered together for a round of golf on Mother's Day.
The men were quite surprised at being
`let go' for the day, and each wanted to know how the other got away
from their wife.
The first man said, "I purchased a
dozen red roses for my wife, and she was so happy that she let me
go."
The second man said, "I purchased a
diamond ring for my wife, and she was so thrilled with me that she let
me go."
The third man said, "I woke up this
morning, rolled over, looked at my wife, and said to her: "Golf
course or inter-course," and she said: I'll put your clubs in the
car."
| The
higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an
instructor.
| Three golfers were playing a round with their local pro.
Fred was playing golf one day and got paired up with the preacher from the local church.
Do you know who in 1923 was:
1. President of the largest steel company?
2. President of the largest gas company?
3. President of the New York Stock Exchange?
4. Greatest wheat speculator?
5. President of the Bank of International Settlement?
6. Great Bear of Wall Street?
These men should have been considered some of the world's most successful men. At least they found the secret of making money.
Now nearly 70 years later, do you know what has become of these men?
1. The President of the largest steel company, Charles Schwab, died a pauper.
2. The President of the largest gas company, Edward Hopson, died insane.
3. The President of the N.Y.S.E., Richard Whitney, was released from prison to die at home.
4. The greatest wheat speculator, Arthur Cooger, died abroad, penniless.
5. The President of the Bank of International Settlement shot himself.
6. The Great Bear of Wall Street, Cosabee Rivermore, died of suicide.
The same year, 1923, the winner of the most important golf championship, Gene Sarazan, won the U.S. Open and PGA Tournaments. He was still playing golf at 90 and solvent.
Moral: Don't worry about business and concentrate on your golf!
| The
more expensive the golf ball the more powerful is its magnetic attraction
to water. | 3-woods
have actually been designed to never hit a straight shot. |
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