Jokes 4

The bet was heavy. After nine holes, I and my partner were down by four. My partner muffed his drive while I managed a decent one. The oponents were even better than I was. My partner, who always likes to win said that the normal term used is S.O.S. (Save Our Souls) but here I am asking you to do an S.O.H. (Save Our Hole).

What's the difference between a fairy tale and a golf story?

A fairy tale begins with "Once upon a time" and a golf story begins with "Ok, no kidding,now there I was out there on the eighteenth fairway..."

A guy and his buddy go golfing one day. The first guy tee's up and takes a wild swing at the ball and misses it.The buddy says, "Well that's one stroke".

The guy says, "Oh no that was just a practice swing"..

The buddy then says, "Not when you say 'oh s***' after your swing."

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes."

The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes - that whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!"

The woman said, "That would be okay," and for her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to."

The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me".

So, KAZAM - she's the most beautiful woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.

The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you."

The woman said, "That will be okay because what is mine is his and what is his is mine."

So, KAZAM she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing the sick-leave provisions set out by their contract.

One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, "This man," he announced, "called in sick yesterday!"

There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score.

A union negotiator broke the silence in the room. "Wow!" he said. "Just think of what kind of score he could have had if he hadn't been sick!"

Top Ten Signs You're Golfing Too Much

· When you pick up something off the floor, you have to lean on your putter
· The only number on your speed dial is 1-800-TEETIME.
· You have your priorities in order: food, shelter, greens fees, job.
· You dream you go to prison but still get conjugal visits with your driver.
· You tell the lost motorist that the gas station is only a par 4 away on the left.
· You'd like to take off your glove but hey, why bother?
· Whenever you see a hole in the ground, you squat, squint and read the line.
· You're vaguely aware of living with a woman, allegedly your wife
· You ask the shopper ahead in the checkout line if you can play through.
· Before you pick up the salt shaker, you mark its position with a dime.

Golfer: "Well Caddy, How do you like my game?" Caddy: "Very good, Sir! But personally I prefer Golf."

Golfer: "Well, I have never played this badly before!
Caddy: "I didn't realize you had played before, Sir."

Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time, caddy. It's distracting!"
Caddy: "This isn't a watch, Sir, its a compass!"

Judge: "Do you understand the nature of an oath?"
Boy: "Do I? I'm your caddie, remember!"